The Real House-students of Hogwarts S1E2

Episode 2: Passing Plans

DESIREE (V.O.): Previously, on the Real House-students of Hogwarts…

CUT TO BLAISE: I want to step down as BSU President.

The camera pans around the room. Dean and Desiree look confused and upset, Alex is scribbling furiously on his parchment.

DESIREE CONFESSIONAL: Was Blaise Confunded on the way here?

DEAN CONFESSIONAL: Dean lets out a long sigh, his eyes rolling to the ceiling.

CUT TO HERMIONE: I’m having a knit-in for S.P.E.W.


CUT TO LAVENDER: I could set up a tea leaf reading station. People could pay a few Galleons to get their fortunes told.


*Upbeat/vaguely wizarding music plays*

BLAISE ZABINI: I may be a Slytherin, but I am not a snake.

DEAN THOMAS: I’m a team player, but I’m always ahead of the pack.

DESIREE WARBECK: My cookies are always served with tea.

ALEX JOHNSON: I may be the youngest, but I can teach these old bats a thing or two.

HERMIONE GRANGER: Books and cleverness? There are more important things…like justice.

LAVENDER BROWN: You can’t predict the future, but I can.

Pan out to reveal all six wizards, each holding out their wand over the words THE REAL HOUSE-STUDENTS OF HOGWARTS.

A series of shots: the glittering Great Lake, the Quidditch Pitch, an aerial shot of Hogwarts, and then: a bustling Hogwarts corridor where students are passing from one class to the next. There are shouts in the hall, handshakes and daps, and Peeves swoops by cackling. BLAISE ZABINI and DESIREE WARBECK duck as the poltergeist dives past them. Desiree continues her path down the hall when the coast is clear, gripping her bag tightly, jaw clenched. Blaise hurries after her, looking worried but determined.

BLAISE: Come on, Des, just talk to me.

DESIREE: I’m not not talking to you.

BLAISE scoffs.

BLAISE CONFESSIONAL: His arms are folded, and there is a glint in his eyes. He’s pouting. I can tell when something is up with Desiree. Usually she just says it, so I’m not sure why this time is any different.

DESIREE CONFESSIONAL: She is scowling, looks off camera then back. I don’t have a problem. Maybe he’s the one with the problem.

CUT BACK TO DESIREE who sighs and stops to wait for Blaise to catch up to her: I have to get to Herbology, Blaise.

BLAISE: Okay, then I’ll be quick. I know you’re mad at me about BSU.

DESIREE sighs: It’s fine.

BLAISE: You don’t look fine.

DESIREE CONFESSIONAL: She fingers the hem of her sleeve for a moment before looking back up to the camera. I guess I can’t say I’m shocked by his decision. I know things are hard for everyone. I just wish he wouldn’t back down so easily.

CUT TO DESIREE rolling her eyes: Look, I get it. I don’t like it, but whatever. You’ve always been like this.

BLAISE eyes flashing: What’s that supposed to mean?

DESIREE laughs: Oh come on. You’ve always had that self-preservation streak going for you.

BLAISE CONFESSIONAL: Des and Dean are always having a go at me for protecting myself. Sorry I don’t just barrel head-on into every situation wand out.

CUT TO BLAISE: I didn’t quit BSU entirely. I just…needed a break. 

DESIREE deflates: Right. Whatever.

DESIREE CONFESSIONAL: I’ll say this about my relationship with Blaise: we’re just friends for a reason. 

A series of shots: a Hogwarts courtyard, the library, back to: further down the corridor. DEAN THOMAS is walking with SEAMUS FINNIGAN (Friend of Dean). 

SEAMUS: Are you ready for Quidditch tryouts this weekend?

DEAN sighs: I haven’t been able to get back out on the pitch yet.

SEAMUS: Why not?

DEAN: You know how I told you Blaise quit BSU leadership? It’s all fallen on me to figure out what we’re doing this year.

SEAMUS: That’s rough, mate. He didn’t give you any warning?

DEAN grumbles: Not at all.

DEAN CONFESSIONAL: He could’ve owled over the summer. He could’ve found me on the platform. ‘Hey Dean, just so you know, I’m quitting BSU and sticking you with all of the work.’ But no. He waited til ten minutes before the bloody meeting.

CUT TO ALEX JOHNSON, who sees Dean and Seamus walking down the hall. He hurries to catch up.

ALEX: Hey, Dean, wait up!

DEAN looks back, and his smile is a half-grimace: Oh, hey Alex, what’s up?

DEAN CONFESSIONAL: Alex means well, just…I need him to tone down the Granger energy.

BACK TO ALEX: I was thinking the two of us should figure out a time to meet, you know, about BSU stuff.

SEAMUS realizing that this isn’t his business: I’ll catch you later Dean. He goes off to class on his own. 

ALEX continues: We still need to figure out what our event is going to be this year, and now that I’m VP and all, we’ll need a new Scribe.

DEAN nods: Yeah, er, let me get back to you. Quidditch tryouts are this weekend, so let me get through that first…he glances up and sees Blaise and Desiree talking off to the side…oh look, there’s Des and Blaise, I’m gonna go say hi. 

He hurries over to them, clearly trying to shake Alex, but Alex follows.

ALEX: Hey Desiree! Dean and I were just talking about having a leadership meeting soon.

DESIREE looks away from Blaise and smiles: Oh, that’s a good idea. I know we have a lot to figure out. 

She shoots a pointed look at Blaise, but he isn’t listening. Instead he notices a group of seventh year Slytherins enter the corridor. His face hardens.

BLAISE: I gotta go. He leaves before anyone can say anything else.

The camera cuts to Desiree, anger rising on her face, then to Dean, whose eyebrows are raised. Alex frowns.

DEAN CONFESSIONAL: So he can’t be seen with us in the halls now?

DESIREE CONFESSIONAL: Says to herself: Don’t blow up Des, just breathe through it. She takes a deep breath and then forces a smile at the camera.

CUT TO ALEX: So that’s how it is?

DESIREE scowls.

DEAN: Looks like it.

HERMIONE GRANGER turns into the hall, slouching under the weight of her book bag. She looks tired and a little annoyed, but her face brightens when she sees the group.

DESIREE waves: Hi Hermione!

HERMIONE: Hey Des! I actually wanted to talk to you.

DESIREE: Oh? What about?

HERMIONE: Well I’m still planning the S.P.E.W. Knit-in, and I was wondering if you would be able to provide some baked goods? I’d love to have some refreshments that aren’t made from slave labor

DESIREE CONFESSIONAL: Look, I don’t agree with Hermione’s approach to the house-elf issue, but it’s not a bad cause, and I love to bake. She shrugs.

BACK TO DEAN: I can help too, if you need it.


DEAN suddenly realizes he’s putting another thing on his plate: Yeah, just let me get through the weekend and I’m all yours.

HERMIONE: This is great! And Alex has already agreed to be my assistant for the day.

Dean and Des raise an eyebrow at Alex, who shrugs.

ALEX CONFESSIONAL: I’m not passionate about the cause, but this will be good experience for when I throw my own events.

BACK TO DESIREE: What about Lavender? She offered to help too, right?

HERMIONE rolls her eyes: Yeah…we talked.

FLASHBACK to two days earlier. Hermione sits with LAVENDER BROWN in the Gryffindor common room. The room is noisy and chaotic with students relaxing after a long day at school, so Hermione and Lavender sit at a small table in the corner. Hermione has parchment spread all around her, knitting needles floating beside her as they work furiously on a lumpy mauve hat.

LAVENDER excitedly: So I was thinking tea leaves would be a good idea, but then Parvati mentioned palm readings too, and some people might want their star charts done.

HERMIONE purses her lips a moment before saying: Yes, I’ll…I’ll get back to you. I’m not sure about all the space we’ll have. I’m doing a walkthrough with Professor McGonagall tomorrow evening.

LAVENDER: Great! And Parvati’s already agreed to assist, so really it’ll be very simple.

BACK TO THE PRESENT. Dean, Desiree, and Alex are watching Hermione, who seems to be growing more frustrated.

HERMIONE: I’m not letting that fraudulent magic anywhere near my event. People aren’t going to take me seriously if I allow such a shoddy display.

Desiree’s eyebrows fly up as Dean and Alex break out into laughter.

DEAN CONFESSIONAL: Grinning. I mean we all knew Hermione hates Divination but ouch.

Cut back to the corridor. A warning bell rings, bouncing off the walls. 

DESIREE: Oh! I’ve got to get all the way to greenhouses! She hurries off.

ALEX walking in the other direction: See you guys!

DEAN nods down the hall: Let’s go Hermione, before Snape takes all the points Gryffindor has left.

DEAN (V.O.): Next time, on the Real House-students of Hogwarts.

CUT TO HERMIONE running around panicked: What do you mean we don’t have green yarn?!

DEAN CONFESSIONAL: I don’t know why she’s so worked up. How many people are even coming to this?

DESIREE shoves two tarts at Hermione and Alex: Take a breath and eat these.

The camera pans to LAVENDER BROWN and PARVATI PATIL entering the Great Hall with their Divination supplies.


ALEX CONFESSIONAL: I…don’t think Lavender is on the list.

DEAN CONFESSIONAL: Dean eats popcorn.

HERMIONE to Lavender: I’m going to have to ask you to leave.

LAVENDER looks at Hermione, anger rising on her face: Excuse me??